I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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