so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
