you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
