I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have already put on my inside pants.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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