Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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