I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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