he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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