I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
