This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
