So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
