I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
