I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
