wanna go halves on a baby?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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