Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
