I didn't shave. On purpose
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
