i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
