hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
