I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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