3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I party with great urgency now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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