Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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