Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
