I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
