The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I faked an abortion last night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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