finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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