Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
