Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
