He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The air taste purple.
Randomize