My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
