this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
