And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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