Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
