got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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