Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
