oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
