There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
