I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
