wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
