now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
