i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
