Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
