White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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