I CAN MOONWALK!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
