i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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