he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
