he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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