I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
