We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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