You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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