We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
