So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize