i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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