HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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