I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is it because I queefed?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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