Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize