What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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