Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
be right there i have to get my cape
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
