They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
