I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize