remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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