Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize