Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
