you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
