I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
where are you?
Hypothermia
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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