had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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