is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
