Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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