I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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