I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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