see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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