u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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