my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
