Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
