You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize