I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sober January is a disaster.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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