Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
