This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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