omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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