His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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