I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
