the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've blown a few things in my day
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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