so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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