3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
