Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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