I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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