haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
