Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
