I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
