idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
