i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
