Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We need to get me chipped asap
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
